Almost entirely non-band related posting. Feel free to skip.

I like making puns and I like to think I am pretty solid at it and I will take a challenge at any time to pun on any specific topic. Whilst at a show recently (no idea where, or with who, but this is a true story) someone called me out on this and I punned them right in the face, twice. I cannot recall the jokes, but I know they were awesome, at least to me. However, despite my obvious skill and talent at making sweet puns, I am today announcing the retiring of some absolute classic kitchen-related gags which have now sadly become over-used and I also partly blame Josh for this. I am also compiling this list because I just found that i can do bullet points on the blog.

• “Forking hell”
• “Knife one mate!”
• “I wasn’t bread-y for that one”
• “You did that pun yeast-erday” (These last 2 work best whilst standing around the bread bin)
• “Oven you glad you did that?”
• “It was too freeze-y to make that pun” (works best when pointing to, or using the freezer, obviously)

I will replace these tired, over used puns with some modern gems:

• “You have to draw the lino somewhere”
• “Quit bake-ing my balls”
• “That’s just glove-ly” (obviously, an oven glove is imperative to this hilarious joke”

Jesus, puns just don’t really cut it so much when written down and sober. Looking at them they sort of remind me of how I feel about drinking gin in the morning. It just doesn’t have the same appeal. Maybe I should retire from punning and move onto making obscure references to theoretical science and maths puzzles when confronted with difficult situations.

“I bet that’s how Schrödinger's cat felt!”

I feel like an unstable particle in the quantum Zeno effect!”

There, that should do it. Instant social awkwardness guaranteed. Can't be worse than loudly announcing hilarious puns at parties, gatherings and funerals* I suppose.

See you losers this weekend at the PJ and Gaby shows tonight and tomorrow, the Hackney show on Saturday and Punk and Bowl Sunday, yeah?

Dan

*Whilst I cannot accurately remember punning at a funeral, there is literally no chance that it hasn't happened.

Punk and Bowl

Last nights gig at Ryans Bar was so crazy hot that not only did I sweat through the ass of my jeans, but I also sprouted an afro. Awesome times. All the bands, I thought, sounded great, which has been my biggest fault of Ryans Bar in the past. I don’t know what made everything sound so good last night, but maybe everyone was just a bit more willing to turn their amps down a little to control the levels. Either way, it made playing and singing feel very easy and watching the other bands enjoyable. I don’t know how so many venues continue to have such poor sound, even when I know the promoter has paid for the soundperson to be there and manage it all. It’s crazy because It’s hard to get into a band if all you can hear are guitars and no vocals. The gig itself was busy but quiet on a crowd front, especially after the last London show which was pretty rowdy in comparison. It was kind of nice to play and sing well (for me) and actually have people listen and be able to hear ok. Thanks for the show Greg.

This week we play some shows with PJ and Gaby, our first in a while. I’ll be playing bass and embarrassing PJs awesome bass set-up the lack of technique and precision that I have developed into my own personal style. I’m looking forward to the shows, it’s kind of fun to be able to hang back and play someone else’s songs without singing. One of the shows is at the Garage in Islington, a venue I went to about a hundred years ago* to see Boysetsfire. Well, we’re playing upstairs in that venue so it’s not like fulfilling some kind of ambition, but it feels like a step in the right direction. It’s the right postcode, it counts.

Oh, before I forget, this Sunday is Punk and Bowl. Shit man, Punk and Bowl is so fucking fun. Sometime last summer at Punk and Bowl I decided to miss half the bands, drink gin in the park next to the venue and harass the local squirrels. The night took a downward spiral as I started bombing out and yelling at Jon from The Cut Ups about how I loved his band before getting grumpy and going home alone. I was messy, messy, apologetic mess the next day. I haven’t bombed like that since…well, I mean I bombed at fest, that’s well documented, but I barely bomb out like that. This year, I redeem myself.



I will redeem myself.

Laters
Dan
x

*not a hundred years ago at all.

www.apologiesihavenone.co.uk

First reviews of the 7"

Hi. I woke up early today and felt full of energy despite some Tyskies last night. How is Thursday treating you? I'm not working tomorrow which makes Thursday seem like Friday to me. Although, this is made all the more depressing by the fact that I am working both Saturday and Sunday. I have no idea what that makes today now.

ANYWAY.

Some cool people have listened to our new record and said "despite this being only 2 songs long, its worth reviewing". I could not agree more. Matt at Alter The Press said nice things about it here: www.alterthepress.com and Zack said nice things about it here: www.punknews.org. Thanks for the kind words guys. Do we owe you royalties?

No-one has said anything bad about it yet, and none of our lyrics appeared on a recent NME discussion on bad lyrics. This is a personal victory for us and Ithankyouall.

I am having a great Thursday/Friday/Whateverday today.

Dan
x
www.apologiesihavenone.co.uk

Project Bondy.

Our good friend Toby plays bass in Serf Combat and their band is awesome and one day we will tour with them and it will be tremendous. Anyway, Toby has this recording device and has started taping shows and putting them up on the internet and I think this is really cool. It's really difficult to make it to some of the better shows around the country for a lot of people and a lot of southern bands never make it far up north and vice versa so the effort that goes into documenting some of these shows is really comendable and could help unify the semi-north/south divide that some bands struggle to bridge. Its a pretty small country afterall.

Ian at strikeachord has been doing roughly the same thing and I'd like to think that someone, somewhere will have the time and knowledge to pull it all together and create a site not unlike Ifyoumakeit which has been documenting shows in the NY area for a while now, as well as preparing original content and acoustic performances. I think this kind of thing could be awesome for a lot of bands in the country - there really isn't anything other than Punktastic to share what everyone is doing and help promote shows and bands to people that care, but haven't the time to go to every gig or check every bands website.

Anyway, in liu of some kind of my proposed mega-site (which I shall now call "project Bondy"), here is a recording from our first night of tour at the Cowley Club in Brighton, recorded by Toby. I think some of the levels are a bit dodge and my in-between song banter was not up to par that night, but whatever. We also only did 5 songs because time was a-pressing. Theres loads of stuff on the site, have a listen. http://aloadofstuffthathappened.wordpress.com

Dan "Project Bondy" Bond.
x

ps: Someone let Matt from Calvinball have a blog. It's tame at the moment, but I can assume there will be some serious shit getting talked once he starts posting drunk. I can't wait. http://calvinball.tumblr.com/

pps: In Florida they have all you can eat crab-leg buffets. EVERY NIGHT.



www.apologiesihavenone.co.uk

Mega Deals

We finally got around to going through the shirts left after tour and put them up on the website, along with a mega-deal. Sorry we don't have any XL or girls shirts left, we'll make them a priority for the next batch we're doing really soon.

Have a look: www.apologiesihavenone.bigcartel.com

In other news, PJ is stuck in Switzerland due to the volcano shit, but seems to be having a good time, with 2 ice creams. Doing his bit for global cooling?

Laters.

Dan

More photos. Woop.

More tour.

I didn’t even bother bringing my laptop on tour this time, after making zero effort last time to keep any kind of tour diary I had mentally written off any chance of keeping an accurate record of what happened whilst we were away this time. I wish I could commit to doing that, so many things that seem to be worth remembering get forgotten too quickly.

Things didn’t start for us the way I had hoped. Firstly, Rooftops guitarist, Jugs, found out shortly before tour that his dad was really sick and we weren’t sure whether he was going to stay at home or come out with us. Either way, the 10 days were going to be more difficult for him and us and we all felt terrible for him. He said he would do some of the dates and then see how it went and the route we were taking brought him close to home a few times and so we were prepared to do some de-touring to give him a little time at home.

A few days before we leave and there was more bad news for Rooftops – their records were stuck in Europe and wouldn’t likely arrive in time. They ended up rush-pressing 100 records at their expense which we had to pick up on the way to the first show, delaying us by hours in the north London traffic. Not a good start, but with records and Jugs now present in the van, things picked up really quickly.

All the shows we played were really fun and seemed to be well promoted, well attended and we were treated really well by everyone and on that front it was a hugely successful tour instead of the depressing money-consumer that things like this can often be. Jugs stuck around for the whole ten days and Rooftops gave some of the most intense, emotional performances I have ever seen any band do, particularly the final date in London which seemed to be a fitting end of the tour for them before Jugs got the train back home.

On a personal front, it was hugely satisfying to play every night with no real bad shows at all and to play a few new places we’ve never been before. Despite everyone slowly getting more tired and ill by the last few days, I think everyone would be happy to get back in and play more shows today. I want to say a massive thank-you to everyone who put us on, put us up, came to the shows and to Josh and Pook for doing all the driving, this has been an awesome 10 days for me.

More photos and shit soon, but heres a video of Rooftops at the Marquee in Norwich.

Dan

Rooftops, Norwich from emilou on Vimeo.

Some Tour Photos

Heres some photos from tour, mostly from the last day at the Cross Kings in London. Photos by Wendy Ng and Dan Beecham. Theres more to come, but its a sunday and I am depressed that I'm not currently stressing about my voice or loading half a ton of gear into or out of a venue right now.

Dan

Another update

I'm writing this on stolen Internet. I feel like a criminal, you know, the good kind that it's ok to like. Like John Mcain in Die Hard. He knew the law wasn't on his side but he still fucked the terrorists up. I don't feel that cool, but you know what I mean, I'm sure.

Anyway, this tour has been excellently catered, muchly hospitable and awesome fun so far. Rooftops have been real good every night and everyone has been really cool. Thanks to everyone who has come to see us so far and everyone who plans to come see
us later this week. I have nothing funny to say about that.

We got reviewed on punknews. I can't link right now but look it up!

Peace and Funking. Believe.

Dan

Update

2 dates into tour and things can only be described as "going well". We've done 2 fun shows and slept at 2 awesome places. We've eaten well and slept well. Thanks to everyone involved so far, this feels like a holiday so far.

Dan