Train Tactics

Techniques for ensuring no one sits on the seat next to you on a busy train:

1) Sit on the seat nearest the aisle and put your bags on the window seat. Be prepared to have to move everything if someone calls you out though. This one is quite effective but expect dirty looks.

2) This is an extension of #1. If you have a laptop, get it out! No one can ever be bothered to ask you to move your computer, bags, coat etc to the window seat!

3) Sit on the window seat, but spread your legs into the legroom for the aisle seat. Headphones in! Pretend to be asleep! This is almost guaranteed to work because one wants to wake a sleeping commuter. Additional points if you put a coat over your face. Double points if you snore.

4) Put food wrappers on the other seat. This always grosses me out and I never ask people to move their sandwhich packet or leaking coffee cup. This is a dity move, but you'll be cruising along solo, so who cares?

5) Eye up people as they walk the aisle looking for a seat. The odder you come across, the more you might look like someone who wants to talk to strangers, the more you look like someone who will take up more than just your seat, the better. The least effective, but probably the most fun.

People did all 5 of these tactics on me this morning on the train to London. Assholes. I eventually scored a seat next to a dude who put all his papers across the aisle seat. I asked him to move them and he sighed and did it as slow as he could. Sitting next to him right now. Yeah that's right green jumper man, I BEAT YOU.