Yo. Whats going on? Why has my laptop slowly crawled to a halt when all I use it for is recording bullshit attempts at songs using cracked software and photoshopping on illegal copies of expensive programs? Its like the world doesn't want me to be productive using the fruits of someone else's labour for free. I thought this was a free country?! As much as I am an Apple fanboy, this has gone on long enough. I want them to build me a computer that gets FASTER the more I use it. Yeah, I know that sounds crazy, but the computer should LEARN what I am doing and pre-empt me. It should know that after I check my e-mail, I'm going to check the Myspace, then Punktastic, then Be-Mag. It should load that shit up the second I start my web-routine. It should know that I also use the internet to watch Southpark and Family Guy. Why do I have to search for pirated videos of them on the internet? It should find them for me and say "Yo Bondy, you haven't seen this Family Guy yet, I already checked and the video plays all the way through, no lie!". Blammo! There I am, saving time, watching stuff online without the poker adverts and disappointment.
"Yo Bond! Thought you might like this video of cats falling off tables - you haven't seen it yet and you will totally LOL at it".
"Well thanks very much computer, another few precious seconds saved".
Steve Jobs, please hire me. I don't expect much money, but I do expect regular days off, to turn up late and quite frequently leave early. I will expect quite a bit of slacking during the day and a long lunch, but shit man, if you need some tips on how to improve software, call me.
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